Funny animal jokes

A panda bear walked into a restaurant. The panda ordered some food and ate it. After that the panda pulled out a pistol, killed the waiter and started to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant said - “Hey, what are you doing? You came in here, you killed my waiter and walk away without saying a word. What is going on?” The panda said - “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walked out of the door. So the owner of the restaurant got out a dictionary and looked under the heading “Panda”. It read: “Panda is black and white animal. Panda lives in central China. Panda eats shoots and leaves.”




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A man went to sell his dog. The buyer asked him - “Is this dog faithful?”

The man replied - “Yes, I have sold my dog 3 times and every time he returns to me.”




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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says - “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”




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A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied - “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”




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A mother camel and her baby were walking one day. The baby camel asked - “Mommy, why do we have such big, three toed feet?”

“Those are to keep us from sinking in the sand when we walk in the desert.”

“Oh” said the baby. A little while later she asked - “Mommy, why do we have such long eyelashes?”

“Those are to keep the sand out of our eyes when the wind blows in the desert.”

“Oh” said the baby. A little while later she asked - “Mommy, why do we have this big hump on our backs?”

“That is to store water when we travel long distances in the desert.”

“Oh” said the baby. “But Mommy, why are we in the San Diego Zoo?”